Saturday, January 23, 2016

The Unsung Pioneer of our fantastico Indian Way

We Indians are filthy smart; so smart that we have mutated the time tested concept of ‘hard work’ to ‘smart way of doing work’ and leading rocking lives from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. Some of you may bash me for not including our respectful presences in Canada or Australia, but, right now I’m sticking to my Sindhu root to avoid any riot in between spirituality and patriotism harmoniously coexisting in the title of this article. We’ve further abbreviated it as ‘smart work’ and this is the 100% genuine ‘Indian way’ we generally boast of… this is the same reason for which chauvinists envy us! The invisible holy book of the Indian way includes at least few million unwritten smart guidelines, starting from why we shouldn’t waste our time to look out for a dustbin in public space to dump a soft drink bottle, to how to procure a driving license by sitting at home. We give a shit to our global image as projected by firangis or even yellow skinned jealous brothers. We can confront anyone anytime with the sheer fact that due to our Indian way we’re hired by heaviest pockets worldwide, who fear, if we’re not outsourced we can open any number of companies like Macrosoft or mApple right in our incredible subcontinent! Sometimes back, on the auspicious occasion of Ganesh Chaturthi, I came to a conclusion that it was actually Ganpati Bappa who had implanted the seed of “Indian way” in us and I’m bloody sure none else could have epitomized the fantastico Indian way any better. Don’t get agitated my friend; it’s all in our priceless pages of mythology… just read on my subsequent paragraph most religiously, most importantly with a spirit of spiritualistic nationalism.

Look down at your toe nails in shame, if being a Hindu, you haven’t heard of the legendary race between Ganesha and Kartikeya anytime in your childhood from grandpa, granny or other elderly storytellers. If you already know the story, make the turbines inside your mind to run in full speed to find out how it’s related to the smart Indian way, while I narrate it in short to the unprivileged group. I give no guarantee of the precision of its beginning, but it somewhat goes like this- once when there was a sibling rivalry between Ganesha and Kartikeya, their parents, Lord Shiva and reverent Parvati came up with an idea to let their kids decide who was more superior on their own with a simple competition. One who will circumvent the globe first would be the undisputed winner- was the condition put before two brothers, to which they readily agreed. Now don’t raise relevant issues before this God-fearing guy like- why didn’t they consider longer tracks like Pluto or Superman’s Krypton, or, controversial queries like- didn’t they have enough trust on their sons’ abilities!

In case you belong to other religious, atheist or agnostic groups then I strongly suggest you to search in internet the images of Ganesha and Kartikeyan to understand the futility of this race better. Kartikeyan, with his well toned muscles, aggressive mentality and capable vector (a peacock) flew without a second thought to win the single lap race around the green planet. Morbidly obese Ganesha realised his chances were remote with the enormous pot-belly and microscopic rodent vector (a rat!). A sedentary person usually has nothing much to do than thinking, thinking and thinking. So, with prolonged sedentary lifestyle, Ganesha had developed some extra sharpness in few thinking areas of his elephantine brain. Ganesha had simply made three rounds around his parents and submitted for a powernap while his brother Kartikeya returned huffing and puffing with his peacock after executing the race in true sportsman spirit. Guess who was the officially announced winner? Shiva-Parvati declared Ganesha as the winner, logic being- parents are our true world! Billion years back (considering the fictitious age of this mythological event), hard work, honesty, dedication and righteousness got beaten by diplomacy, philosophy and tactful manipulation of sentiments! Scholars would justify Shiva-Parvati’s decision in their way like- Ganesha was the just winner as he was the one to decipher the inner truth while Kartikeya sweated on the superficiality… after all nobody wags his tail for any inglorious bastard… with the passage of time, wrong turns right and cunning foxes steal all the glory in our history books as national heroes! Oh pardon me if I’m drifting away from our today’s talk- the Indian way.

We rightly celebrate Ganesha festival with much pomp and colour to show our gratitude to the true pioneer of the Indian way. In short, we’ve copied everything what Ganesha does. You don’t believe me? Well, listen to the devotional song ‘Jai Ganesh Deva’ and mark our God Ganesha’s descriptions. You’ll be amazed to find, it’s not only we Aam-aadmis but also politicians and other big shots running our country mimic each and everything from Ganpati Bappa to continue the fantastico Indian way except riding on rats, perhaps due to abundance cum affordability of imported vehicles. We’ve got two different types of teeth, one for showing and the other for cutting. Apart from two arms, we always keep other two under the table. We dream of being offered with freebies while our heads actually receive them etc and etc. So, don’t waste your time in mudslinging on us in charge of laziness, hypocrisy and corruption… You admit it or not, we’re simply smart skaters over muddy grounds… with the sacred vermilion of our Indian way we vow to remain loyal disciples of Ganpati Bappa. Let us be sincere devotees of Lord Ganesha and exert our vocal cords in unison- Ganpati Bappa Morya Pudhchya Varshi Lavkar Yaa (Oh my Lord Ganesha, please return soon next year)!!! 



This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

From the Diary of His peppy Nights

If nesting was a deserted geography the longing must have been a buried civilization for him. He wiped off the unsolicited moisture anchoring his spectacle and switched off the air conditioner. The inevitable question flashed over the LCD screen like every third day and it was fair enough- “So, are you single or married?” Abhimanyu thought of typing a ‘yes’ for an easy pack up but he remained silent and lit a cigarette instead. Had the coffee-maker been functioning he would fancy a mug of bitter coffee. There was a time he never left any conversation until its very dead end… now he fumbles.

It’s a tough grind in itself to sort out what he wants from things. Does he have to be purposeful in everything that comes across and brushes his chin? Certainly not, Abhi rebuked himself for being painfully guarded needlessly contemplative. He remembered Lisa would be waiting for him … hardly a couple of months left before her board exams… he needs to keep her motivated.
“Well Niv, it’s normal… as it should be…” Abhi typed in the chat window and then felt it stupid as he read the line himself.
Few familiar smileys were expected but nothing such turned up, instead, a brief moment of silence followed. You never know when you assign face values to your computer screen and two people from two different corners of the world stare at their screen with firm beliefs of savoring the mutual silence with equal compliance.

“Abhi, what are doing?” Nivethana broke the ice.
Abhimanyu felt it dry… perhaps he wanted her to complain, to nag or curse him for his poverty of reciprocation… he couldn’t remember when he last encountered such peppy confrontation.
They usually talk on myriad things ranging from spirituality, economy, laws of attraction to the dark side of the moon.

Fingers kept bopping over the keyboard to make him realize every second he was no vegetable as yet, till 2 o’ clock midnight, when they finally agreed to sleep. Something holds his tongue back whenever he feels like wishing ‘sweet dreams’ to her but Niv does it daily… either her life is simpler or she exercises better control over her life. Abhi wished the latter to be true.

His sleep deprived eyes looked like dead oysters over the sand… he has been spending too much time with the computer of late, due to those two pending publications which he has to send to the university before the end of this calendar year. Bonsais in the balcony shared the nicotine fumes with Abhimanyu once more. Not a single windowpane of nearby quarters seemed to glow… Abhi relished the crazy salsa of few thousand insects circling the visible halogen. The wristwatch showed half past two… i.e. around 9 o’ clock in Lisa’s place. She must have finished her supper… anytime she would ring… he is no chain smoker, yet lit the lighter sloppily, while staring at the distant mountain ranges peacefully snoozing under the dark quilt of his not so peppy hours…

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

The evil Impact

Nowadays most of the parents I see are really conscious, rather over conscious of their kids' health and that in turn gives good business to pediatricians. Hold on, I'm not being critical about anything, so please preserve your New Year mood especially if you're an over-protective parent or a pediatrician, you can be mad at me after these festive days get over. So, point of this post is the impact of a child's health on the overall happiness of a family. Rarely do I write fictions of late, because I've realized that I don't have that X/Y/Z-factor whichever is needed to hold reader's attention till the very end of the story. So, I focus more on my photo blog. Recollecting past events interests me, but, writing them down with a pinch of fiction is too much work for a lazy blogger. It took me exactly four days to set a momentary equilibrium between my aggressive procrastination and greed for an easy shopping voucher.

I was back to my hometown almost after three long years of farming in the Gulf. It was the Chhoti Diwali evening. I thought to give a surprise visit to one of my closest school friends who was happily married and settled in Bardhaman itself. Last time when I had met him about five years back from then, he had become a proud dad. Thankfully I took a big box of chocolates on the way for Arun's school-going child. It was somewhat surprising to find no Diyas or colored bulbs glowing outside Arun's house, considering what a party animal he was in our golden days! As I hesitantly pressed the calling bell a man opened the door... it was none other than Arun and the inside of the house was darker than the outside road. He switched on a light and welcomed me in.

Me: Asshole is that the way to greet Diwali to your childhood friend!

There was a smile in Arun's face which failed to project out of his thick beard. We talked for a while... all casual talks... who's doing what... where... like that... and a time came I realized there was nothing left to talk about, you know when warmth is lost the cold food you can't take much. Seeing nobody in the house I asked about his son and wife. "They're away" was all I got in Arun's cold reply. I chose to leave Arun's place that day. Yes, I always believed relationships have expiry dates too... bad thing is those dates are nowhere mentioned explicitly.

Next day I rang Sitesh, a common friend who was working in Delhi, to convey my Diwali wishes. When I brought Arun in the conversation he expressed his concern and then only I came to know that Arun's son was mentally retarded... his marriage broke off gradually due to the sickness of his child... it was a long sad story. All impacts can't be absorbed. I wish I hadn't called Sitesh and known the bad reality. Sometimes ignorance is bliss! We shared a long moment of silence over the telephone as my wet heart started correlating Arun's weird coldness with his misfortune.

Good update is, very recently I heard from Sitesh that Arun has remarried and trying to settle his scores with the cynical time. 


This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

An useful letter of Proposal

“My self-created lover boy waits by a red rose shrub weaving those seven colored dreams for his lady love// Black clouds above in the meantime keep passing by... What an apt stage for a fanatic like me, I won't lie// Everything is going fine, yes, the boy has picked up a rose having hurt his tender finger letting few drops to ooze// This' the best way he could show his emotions for her...”- Well, the encroaching February air made me auto-recall a couple of lines from one of my old poems. Smelling the cliché in those lines I desired to be more pragmatic and scratched few dandruffs off my scalp to come up with better plans to do justice to this 'coming soon' Valentine's Day. I thought of writing a letter of proposal with solid impact and high success rate.

Being a man with no exceptional magnetism in the personality, the word 'Propose' has never been quite high-yielding right since my boyhood days, when I used to have a small but more dynamic heart (you now what I mean). Nonetheless it failed to defeat my determination to move on and keep trying. “Failures are pillars of success” was too hardcoded in my mind and perhaps I should devote my earnestness someday to search for that intractable trait somewhere in my gene (simple being human for greater good of humanity). Oh pardon me for the slight diversion. I must confess my weakness in the department of utterance. That's why it looks like a better idea to me to propose my crush on Valentine's day through a carefully drafted warm (yet short) letter:

To

The one and only vivid Butterfly,
Occupying the only petal of my heart,
Since I don't know when (only with unquestionable honesty).

Subject: Unconditional invitation to my virgin heart and pristine loyalty.

Dearest Crush,

I wish I knew the ultra superlative of 'dear' for the sake of this letter and a book to teach me how to love you little less so that the remaining 'little love' could be spent on trivial subjects like- me, almighty, other friends and my pet. But it's ok, you're completely worth it! You know something, this' the first time I'm feeling bug bites inside my tummy, palpitation, loss of appetite and insomnia. I was so naive (like every other first timer) I took these symptoms as an illness and consulted the family physician. After putting his stethoscope over my chest and throughly examining all my orifices he diagnosed the condition as 'Acute Pseudo Loveiria' and advised me to open up before the lady I'm in madly love with. As soon as the doctor came up with his expert opinion I uttered 'Eureka' exactly like Archimedes as I knew the lady I love, deeply, madly and selflessly! Here I'm expressing my love before any lady for the first time on this auspicious day of February and praying to macho God cupid for a positive response. I'll wait dear till eternity...


Yours most Loyal,

A. Samanta


Attached documents:

- Medical certificate of my virginity

- Heart scan to show there was no similar infection before this

- Character certificates of school, college and university

- Bank statement of last one year

- Credit card transaction details

- My non-photoshopped photograph

Oh sorry, there's no sufficient space in the page to insert the “Copy forwarded to” column! You're free to plagiarize my letter of proposal if you think it is capable of the magical impact which you often fantasize while on bed. Never mind folks, make best use of this Valentine's day and buy flowers and spend time too besides those covert stuffs. Yo cheers!


This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

A Lesson

It was those rock n roll college days and I had adopted the lifestyle of Lucknow quite well. Lifestyle of Lucknow doesn’t include much fancy aspects unlike other trendy cities like Delhi, Bombay or Kolkata. Rather it includes more of a ‘Desi’ touch… Yes, I came down to ‘present tense’ because till now I find it unchanged. Being a college hero in Lucknow doesn’t put pressure in pockets too- just get into a ‘Tempo’ with loose shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers… wait, you haven’t qualified for the tag yet… you need to stuff your mouth with Masala/Puria (chewable tobacco) and keep spitting the red excess saliva on the streets and footpaths in the most artistic way. Today's narration is not a tale, but the recollection of a memorable moment that had enough impact on remodelling my habits.

I was in Lucknow railway station, actually waiting for my train back to Bardhaman. I was restless with the same vigor of a teenager returning home in college vacation and already well burnished with the essence of Lucknow- “Hum to aise hi hai”. Waiting for the train in waiting room was never a pleasant moment. Waiting room in Lucknow station didn’t have the present day air conditioning bliss in those days but Lucknow in May was no less hot. Added to that, long distance train used to delay like anything and passengers used to contain tremendous patience to bear with the repeated railway announcement “… running late by 6 (to infinity) hours… we’re sorry for your inconvenience”. It was nearing noon time and the mercury of my impatience was rising. I stepped out of the suffocating waiting room aimlessly and headed to a magazine stall. Buying a magazine (which I wanted to buy) was easy but reading it in a public space was equally difficult, so I dropped the idea of grabbing my copy, instead engaged myself on watching a group of foreign backpackers. I was not the only moron in the platform number 1 to stare at them like a man who has paid for a movie ticket… even there were other worthless souls to satisfy their eyes. Honestly I wasn’t that pervert to ogle at an Western lady’s provocative bosom or exposed thighs which I’m sure my Co-viewers were busy in. I was more interested in watching their reactions to various Indian stimuli (like, some carefree guy pulling up his lungi and pissing onto the railway track right from the platform etc). The large but ‘cool’ single backpack carried by foreigners in their trip to India was another attraction for me… I tried hard to find them in Bardhaman but never managed to get one. Only later I had realized that they were too pricey for tinsel town market demands.

While watching them I kept my teeth and tongue in continuous motion of chewing the masala and spitting the royal red excreta on the platform floor in periodic intervals. Suddenly I noted that one of those tourists, little away from his group with an empty plastic bottle in his hand, looking here and there as if searching for something. I understood that he was looking for drinking water (you must be thinking what a fool I’m right?) and went to his rescue. I offered my help to him but he didn’t seem to catch my words. So, I quickly spitted out and repeated my words again. He told me that he was looking for a dustbin to dump his empty bottle and made a quick survey of the fresh red mark I had made on the floor. In a fraction of second it deflated the hot air from my head and I felt like digging a hole and diving deep into it. What a shame… being an outsider he was so keen to take care of my soil/environment while I was totally indifferent towards it! From that day I promised myself not to throw any garbage on roads or public places like a retard. Previously my mind was negatively conditioned with- our roads and public places are too dirty to be cleaned up, so why not litter? But that incidence had impacted me with optimism and new hopes for a cleaner future. I became a firm believer that if we want we can keep our places clean, just by changing few small yet sick habits. Later I had divorced with tobacco with the grace of almighty but never forgot that trivial, yet very important lesson from a westerner.


This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

She took the blow and stood up

Taking a bold step in life can make a huge impact on your future. When our life is sailing smooth like skidding on an ice ring, it is very difficult to appreciate the need of taking a bold step and taking any unusual hurdle looks stupid then. But, as a matter of fact, no pain means no gain. If you can’t think out of the box you’re never going to see the change in your life that you dream for or, what your life badly needs for good. In this context I remember an old quotation which says that great achievements can be made only if one dares to take the offbeat path rather than the apparently easy path which most common people take. Today I’ll narrate my story when I had to take a decision which had realigned my broken life.

I was a happy housewife, blessed with an adorable boy and loving husband. I had always found happiness in making delicious dishes in kitchen, for my boy and my big boy. I never ever had imagined a world outside the eight hundred square feet quarter. My world was tiny but built by me. I had everything inside that I needed or longed for. My friends and neighborhood women used to ask me why I don’t work even after being an educated woman. I had my answers ready- “I work in two positions already and how much more work shall I take?” When they were clueless of my job positions I used to explain them that being a mother and wife are no jobless things. Actually there is nothing called housewife. It should be called homemaker. But the thunder called destiny struck my home one day. My husband, who was a locomotive engineer died on duty. His body got cut into pieces by iron wheels which he had served his lifetime. In a millisecond my world turned upside down!

My boy was only a fifth standard kid by then. My goal of life had got revised by that incident. All I had to do was to bring up my kid in best possible way, like his dad would have wanted. I never worked after finishing my studies, never thought too. Taking up the compensatory job by railway was not a very easy decision for me at that point of time. I was scared to see the scorching, polluted world outside the boulevard of my broken dreams. I was apprehensive to face people. I was not ready to get thousand looks of sympathy which a widow often buys. But at last I made myself firm and took a bold step of taking up the job. Today my son is working in a reputed company. I have a small but happy home. One right and timely decision really did have so much positive impact on both of our lives!

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.